Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
