You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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