that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
