listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
