oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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