I didn't shave. On purpose
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
