he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
