And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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