: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
4 words: hood of his car
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
