You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
