her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
