he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
