Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
