It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
