seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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