Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
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I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
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I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
When are your genitals available?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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