I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
