Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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