i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
