oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
third nipple confirmed
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
