This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
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I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
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how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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