it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
