whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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