I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
