Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
