he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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