who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
