After last night, I could never be a politician.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
