so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
birth control should be required to get into college
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I didn't notice because vodka
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
