At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
