Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Randomize
