omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
