I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
