smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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