Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
