hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
