Your dad touched me again.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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