You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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