Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
