the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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