shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
