How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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