; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
