I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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