can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
