Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
