Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
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