I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
