Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
