dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
