just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
