You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
