...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
