I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
