someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
