Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
