There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
