She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
