If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
