So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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