Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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