Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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