I'm gonna have a badass scar
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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