Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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