I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
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I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
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She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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