What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
