he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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