what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize