Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
