Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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