Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
