one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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