How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
