3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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